Staying in Freedom

And many of the brethren in the Lord, waxing confident by my bonds, are much more bold
​to speak the word without fear. 
Some indeed preach Christ even of envy and strife; and some also of good will: 
The one preach Christ of contention, not sincerely, supposing to add affliction to my bonds: 
But the other of love, knowing that I am set for the defence of the gospel. Php 1:14-17

This devotion is going to be one of a personal ongoing issue, that the Lord has prompted me to speak about and expose again. I delay doing this and wait, because I have no pleasure in speaking about any of this, but, God sees it, and He reveals it to me, and at times let's me know He wants something said; this is one of those times.

Once again for some time I've seen evidence from some of the bigger name ministries and people with blogs, radio shows, etc., that I've visited, listened to, and sometimes shared their material here. I've been doing this long enough to know how the system works, and the cliques, gossip, backbiting, and envy and contention that spreads throughout cyber-space. My stance on this remains the same-I'm not going to get involved in any of it, and will avoid it at all costs. 

When I started these websites, no one but God asked me to create them, and maintain them. No one works for me, or rules over me. I'm led by the Holy Spirit, and guided by Him in what is put here, and why. If I make a mistake, and I have at times, I admit it, delete the material, and keep going on-just like everyone else in their work. I've not intentionally attacked anyone, or accused anyone of anything personally, unless it's already public knowledge. There's been several cases that I've purposely stayed silent, and let God deal with people's problems, and faults, because I know how hard it is to work in this cycle of troublemaking, and competition. I'm not out to get anyone, or destroy anyone. I've actively forgiven, and posted and subscribed to some, who are going through great trials and even law suits now-because I know the "rest of the story" and know their hearts, and God does also. I know the power of forgiveness of God, and know very well that Satan is the accuser of the brethren. As much as possible, I'm not going to be one who he uses, to intentionally destroy anyone.

I know what it's like to be condemned by the vicious tongues and accusations of those who walk in their own self-righteousness, full of pride and arrogance, and feel they are on a special level with God. I could say much about this, but, it's not worth the time to do so. One day, everything done in the dark will be brought to the light by Christ. I'm content to leave it at that. But, I'll just say-watch your step, at a time you would never think it, you can well find yourself on your face, or on your back, lying on the ground, and find your steps have slipped and you've fallen, and found yourself one of us-who aren't perfect.

Before Paul was saved he had done many horrible things, and persecuted, imprisoned and had Christians killed. He lived with the memories and regrets of that the rest of his life, but he went on and obeyed the call of God on his life. Many of us in ministry came out of lives of great sin, and know what he dealt with, and what it cost him. Sadly, many times our greatest enemies are other believer's-it's been this way from the beginning.

If you do not forgive me, that's your decision. I've lived for many years walking in the peace and forgiveness Christ died to give to me. When I've fallen, He's picked me back up. He's been there through every trial of my life. Through the years of turmoil, hardship, commitment with my marriage to Lynn Couillard. He sustained me through those years, and kept me through the worst years of watching Lynn destroy himself by his own bad life choices, behaviors and stayed with him to the end. When he said to me one day that I'd have to choose Jesus or him, I chose Jesus, and Lynn divorced me. For two years, I was on my own, with my small daughter, and worked to try to put a life together for us. God worked in the situation, and through a great deal of prayer, we were re-married. Six months after this, Lynn had a massive heart attack and almost died at 36. The ongoing trials and God's interventions are in the book I wrote The NightWatchman, in it, many answers to prayer are recorded in it. He did receive Christ as Savior 9 months before his death in 2004, and I rejoice in that, and know we will meet again in heaven. But, I've also lived with the ache and sadness, knowing that his life could have been so much different, if he'd just turned around, and truly turned to Jesus, and allowed Him to change him, from the heart. I know what many women deal with, who live with a stubborn, rebellious man, who won't admit they are wrong, and what they do to themselves, and those they love. No one can tell me what it's like to surrender, and obey-I've walked the walk, and have learned to overcome, through the losses.

Going on with dealing with this contention issue-I've settled it from the start of this, that I was going to stay out of the loop of slanderers, faultfinders, false accuser's, and troublemakers. I'm not going to allow myself to be put into a place of being bribed, bought, blackmailed, and told what I can-and can't say or do here. That's why I won't play favorites, or throw out names, just to get attention. If I do mention anyone here on these websites-it's because of a specific topic, or situation that's of great importance to God, and their work involves it-period. I do not care in the least if anyone ever mentions my name, I could care less.

Not being in a position of being used, or stopped is costly, because you'll find, you are all by yourself, except for God alone. I wouldn't trade places with anyone- I have complete freedom to speak here and don't worry about someone's opinion as to whether they will reject me, or leave. My response is- your free to come here and benefit from the content, or, your free to leave. The choice is yours.

I'm not doing this for a pay check, I receive nothing from anyone for doing this work. It is truly a ministry, not a business-this is a huge difference. My boss, and Master, is the Lord Jesus Christ. I answer to Him alone, and will stand before Him one day, to hear His assessment of this work. I tremble at the truth of this, but, keep going on. If He ever tells me to stop, I'm ready to do so. So whatever my enemies think or attempt to do to conspire, they will have to go through Him. He is my covering.

I'll also add, to my knowledge, up to this day, I've not done anything intentionally to harm, mislead, or attack anyone here on the internet, for any evil purpose. I've called out injustice, and sin, and the persons own behavior reveals them, I don't have to accuse them falsely. But, this is rare, most of the time, I remain silent and let people live their own lives. I won't get involved in gossip sessions.

As a widow, here in my own area people may accuse, and spread lies, but that's what they are, and I ignore it. I'm here in my own home every day-minding my own business, and work here at my computer in my own office between 6 to 10 hours every day; studying, posting material, researching, and it keeps me very busy. I don't have time to waste, getting into trouble with people in the area here, who go from house to house, as a busybody. I stay as far away from this kind of trouble, as I can.

Between this, and the work involved in maintaining my home, vehicles, and responsibilities-it keeps me busy, and out of trouble. People should take the advice of Jesus, seek peace and pursue it, and seek the Kingdom of God. Let Him be the source of your need for approval, and importance. If He is first in your life, what other people think won't matter.
​Lorna Couillard

Paul addressed this issue well in these verses, and described what we who serve the Lord in ministry all face at some level. Some other verses that describe what we face are:
1Co 3:3  For ye are yet carnal: for whereas there is among you envying, and strife, and divisions, are ye not carnal, and walk as men? 
1Co 3:4  For while one saith, I am of Paul; and another, I am of Apollos; are ye not carnal? 
​2Co 12:20  For I fear, lest, when I come, I shall not find you such as I would, and that I shall be found unto you such as ye would not: lest there be debates, envyings, wraths, strifes, backbitings, whisperings, swellings, tumults: 
Rom 16:17  Now I beseech you, brethren, mark them which cause divisions and offences contrary to the doctrine which ye have learned; and avoid them. 
Rom 16:18  For they that are such serve not our Lord Jesus Christ, but their own belly; and by good words and fair speeches deceive the hearts of the simple.

I'll add a few commentary devotions-from other's to bring other points out about this subject.

​“TO LIVE IS CHRIST, AND TO DIE IS GAIN”

​It was a matter of comparative indifference to Paul what happened to himself so long as the gospel progressed, because the extension of the gospel meant the growing glory of Jesus. He was quite content to be in bonds, if only by his chains he might gain access to new realms, hitherto untrodden, for proclaiming his Lord. He could even view with equanimity the envy and strife of some, if Jesus might be named to those who had never heard of Him, He was prepared to live or to die, that Jesus might be magnified. He was willing to remain for a little longer outside of heaven, if that would better serve the cause he loved. His main argument for consistency of life on the part of his converts was that the success of the gospel might not be impeded. It seemed good to suffer, if only it were on the behalf of Christ. Oh that we might experience a similar absorption in the great interests of the gospel!
It is clear from this paragraph that death is not an unconscious sleep. It is gain. It is a loosing from anchorage so that the soul may go forth on the broad ocean of God’s love. It does not interrupt our conscious fellowship with the Lord. The moment of absence here is the moment of presence there. To die is therefore gain.  (F.B. Meyer)

Preach the Gospel-In Every Situation
​What then? notwithstanding, every way, whether in pretence, or in truth, Christ is preached; and I therein do rejoice, yea, and will rejoice. Php 1:18

Paul’s example is a rebuke to the excessive ecclesiastical spirit. He saw something good in the worst men who preached. Modern precisionists see the worst in the best men. Paul looked on the good side. Modern orthodoxy is disposed always to look on the bad side. If a vase was cracked, Paul turned it round and looked upon the side where it was not cracked. If a vase is cracked, we are disposed to turn it round and look on the side where the crack comes. Paul would certainly rather have men preach Christ that loved Christ; but rather than that Christ should not be preached he was willing that those who did not love Him should preach. (H. W. Beecher)