Honoring Parents

Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD
​thy God giveth thee. Exo 20:12
For God commanded, saying, Honour thy father and mother: and, He that curseth father or mother, let him die the death.  For God commanded, saying, Honour thy father and mother: and, He that curseth father or mother, let him die the death. But ye say, Whosoever shall say to his father or his mother, It is a gift, by whatsoever thou mightest be profited by me; And honour not his father or his mother, he shall be free. Thus have ye made the commandment of God of none effect by your tradition. Ye hypocrites, well did Esaias prophesy of you, saying, This people draweth nigh unto me with their mouth, and honoureth me with their lips; but their heart is far from me. But in vain they do worship me, teaching
​for doctrines the commandments of men.  Mat 15:4-9
Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. 
Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;) 
That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. Eph 6:1-3
​The Fifth Commandment

​The relationship in which we stand to our parents, a relationship based upon the fact that we owe our existence to them, that we are made in their image, that for so long a time we depend on them for the actual maintenance of life, and that, as the necessary result of all this, we are completely under their authority during childhood—this relationship is naturally made the highest symbol of our relationship to God Himself.
II. Honouring our parents includes respect, love, and obedience as long as childhood and youth continue, and the gradual modification and transformation of these affections and duties into higher forms as manhood and womanhood draw on.
III. The promise attached to the commandment is a promise of prolonged national stability. St. Paul, slightly changing its form, makes it a promise of long life to individuals. Common experience justifies the change.
IV. There is one consideration that may induce us to obey this commandment which does not belong to the other nine: the time will come when it will be no longer possible for us to obey it.
(R. W. Dale, The Ten Commandments, p. 120)

Important point: How far we are to honor and obey our parents (see Col_3:20). We are to obey our parents in everything so far as their commands agree with those of God, and no further; if they required us to steal, or lie, or cheat, or do anything wrong, we should not be called to obey them. But, it is not probable that your parents will ever require you to do anything of this kind; and in all other cases you are bound to obey them.

What is it to honor parents? To obey them in all that is right, when they require it. To do what is right whether they require it or not. To respect their feelings in reference to the choice of companions or of a profession. To act on all occasions so as not to make their parents ashamed of their conduct.

Mat_15:4. Die the death.—The expression “let him die the death” is idiomatic, but now obsolete. It is intended to be emphatic—let him die the death (which is the appropriate penalty of such a crime). The Hebrew expression is also idiomatic, and idiomatically emphatic; and so is the Greek expression, which literally means “let him come to his end by death” (ibid) Why did Jesus make this statement?

Whatever profit you might have received from me is a gift to God: Some Jewish people of Jesus’ day had a way to get around the command to honor your father and mother. If they declared that all their possessions or savings were a gift to God that were especially dedicated to Him, they could then say that their resources were unavailable to help their parents.

“This convenient declaration apparently left the property actually still at the disposal of the one who made the vow, but deprived his parents of any right to it.” (France)

By using this trick, they could completely ignore and disobey the command, and Jesus was exposing their hypocrisy to their faces.
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When I worked in health care, and took care of seniors, I saw this played out over and over again, when family members would bring in their elderly mother/father with a small bag or suitcase of their belongings and drop them next to the bed, and stay a few minutes, and then leave them with us. Quite often, we'd not see them very much, sometimes never again. I learned to expect this kind of thing, so don't think just because you've given everything you can to them and sacrificed and loved them by doing without for them, that you'll get the same in return. I found out, you cannot count on that.
​Lorna Couillard

My Parents Influences-Priceless

Mother's day is coming again soon, this Sunday. Many memories of my parents and my mother have been going through my mind for several days. They weren't perfect, there were trials, mistakes, wrong decisions, but, there was also steadfast love, and a foundation of commitment between them to raise their kids the best they could and raise us to be responsible people. Throughout the hard times, I saw that steadfastness over and over again. Regardless of the mistakes and wrong decisions we made, they worked with us, provided for us, and took care of our needs, and we knew they loved us. I regretted some of the ways I treated my parents, and am thankful they lived long enough for me to wake up, and was able speak to both of them and apologize for the way I had spoken to them, and treated them with disrespect, when I was a stubborn, headstrong, arrogant teenager. I wanted them to know that I realized the cost it was for them to put up with me, and keep on dealing with my sarcasm, disrespect, carelessness, and cruelty in my behavior toward them growing up. I had a chance to tell them it wasn't a waste of time, I finally saw myself, and was ashamed of the way I treated them, and asked for their forgiveness, and thanked them for the years they put into bringing me up. I knew the hardships they had to deal with with each one of us, of seven kids.

They both had grown up during the Great Depression and were both from big families in the Adirondacks of N.Y., and their childhood was not easy. There were many hardships and doing without, they couldn't afford luxuries. They learned how to make money stretch, and use what they had, and not waste anything. It's paid off for me in life. A home with no mortgage gives a peace of mind that I am thankful for and have learned the value of making paying my bills first, a priority. If you don't pay your bills first, no one will be there to pay them for you. These are some qualities of life, my parents instilled in us. I also observed that my parents love for each other remained as solid as long as they lived. They had disagreements, sometimes serious ones, but, their love for each other overcame them all. I learned by watching them, how love develops and remains as steady as a flowing river, and like a river, may have bends and curves along the way. I've cherished many lessons from watching them as they met every trial and found ways to make things work, and stay committed to each other.

When they both came to the time in their lives that age and illnesses began to overtake them, Lynn and I both took care of our parents until their deaths. We wanted to do this, we wouldn't have it any other way. When Lynn's mother came down with cervical cancer, he and his sister took turns staying with her until her death. She remained in her home, with nurses coming in regularly. 
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When my father was suffering from lung cancer, I'd make the trip to N.Y. every other weekend to see him, knowing he was terminal, and that at any time, it may be the last time I'd see him. This went on about a year, until his death on Christmas day in 1977. Over the next years, I'd make regular trips to N.Y., to stay with mother a few days, and check on her to see if she needed anything, and visit with her. Then in 1997, she came down with a serious injury with her foot, and had to have a partial amputation, this caused her to need daily care, and we had her come to live with us here in Vermont. Mother stayed with us until my husbands death in 2004. The same year, in the fall, she broke her upper leg just below the hip, and was wheelchair bound from that point on. Serious complications made it necessary for her to go into a nursing home, because of the infections in her foot, that needed constant care. I'd visit just about every day, and bring her to the house for full days, as long as she was strong enough. However in early 2008 she began to decline rapidly. That Easter Sunday, when I and my brother took her back to the nursing home, we both knew this would be the last time. She was put to bed that evening, barely conscious. Within 10 min. the nurse came to me and said mother had lapsed into a coma, and from there she never regained consciousness. I remained with her for the next 3 days, until she passed away, close to 2:00 a.m. in the morning of the 27th of March. Shortly after this my oldest brother died also that same year in June. Then the next year in 2009 my eldest sister also died, starting with Lynn's death in 2004-it was a long series of losses. But, we will meet again, on that better shore.

Below is a short devotion and the picture described in it-as I sat and watched mother sketch it as she doodled at her kitchen table. Also, a picture of the two of us together, during one her visits with us when we lived at Cheney Four Corners in Newbury Vt.-much happier days. It brings back many memories of days gone by, and many things shared together that money could never buy.

I'm looking forward to that day when I leave this world, and join her, my father and many other family members, and Lynn who are now there waiting for me, as they said they would be-it will be a reunion, like no other. But, the only reason I have this assurance of seeing them again, is that I know each of them received Christ as their Savior, and had opened their hearts to Him, and received His salvation before they died. I hope if your reading this, you will do the same, and open your heart to Jesus, and let Him in, and receive His salvation.
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They are with Jesus, and have the joy of being in His presence, and His great love, and they are enjoying the home that He prepared for them, and will never have to leave it. I'm longing to see His face, and know His embrace, and the reality that I'm finally home, forever.
Lorna Couillard
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Joh 14:1  Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me. 
Joh 14:2  In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. 
Joh 14:3  And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also. 

​At the Kitchen Table

During the holiday seasons, memories of my mother’s fondness for crafting, and water coloring come to my mind. As a young girl growing up, she loved to work with her hands, and encouraged each of us kid’s (seven of us) to join her. Most of the time these craft sessions would happen around Mom’s kitchen table. It always brought out an abundance of conversation, laughter, and bonded us each in ways that, as I look back on it now; realize it was part of mother’s skill in building a solid foundation of love between us, and at the same time helping us to find our place in the world.

​​She would put on some good music, gather all the material we would need for whatever we were building, and if there were any detailed instructions, we would read them through, and sometimes “alter” them to suit our personal tastes, or abilities. Her motto was “Nothing is set in concrete, we can change things if need be.” Sometimes this proved to be not such a good idea, but perfection was not what was important. I learned as I grew to be a young woman that Mother’s whole intent had nothing to do with attaining perfection; it had everything to do with cultivating love, and just being together.

Many times we would spend an entire day at her table; articles, and supplies scattered and layered in a hodge-podge. Lunch time would be upon us, and we would simply push everything to the center of the table, make a bare spot in front of us, and make sandwiches and a cup of coffee, tea, or whatever was handy. We’d eat and talk, laugh, and argue; sometimes there’d be several conversations going at the same time; they were times of joy.

Years marched on, we all grew up and moved on in life, had our own families, and those crafting sessions became a cherished memory. Mother still could be found sometimes when I’d go to visit her in her senior years, sitting alone at her kitchen table doodling with her watercolors, and watching the birds outside her window at her feeder. A sadness pierced my heart at times when I’d see her there, frail, pure white hair, remembering those happy times of my childhood. I’d sit and we’d visit, and sometimes I’d join her. That foundation of love remained. The picture below is one of Mother’s watercolors that she gave me, shortly before she passed away. How precious those memories are to me now.

In the years I worked with seniors, these craft sessions took place at times, midmorning or during the afternoons, and some of them enjoyed it. It brought back fond memories that they would share, helped give them something to be occupied, and a source of socializing.

If your caring for someone elderly, who seems to have lost the joy of living, perhaps a time of sharing and crafting around the kitchen table would cultivate a new sense of purpose, but mostly of just the enjoyment of doing something simply for the fun of it. And who knows; maybe the one thing we all need more of in these days of stress; is love.
Lorna Couillard

​Php 2:5  Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus: 
Php 2:6  Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God: 
Php 2:7  But made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men: 

Christ In You
I behold the Christ in you,
Here the life of God I see;
I  can see great peace too,
I can see you whole and free.

I behold the Christ in you.
I can see this as you walk;
I see this in all you do,
I can see this as you talk.

I behold God's love expressed,
I can see you filled with power;
I can see you ever blessed,
See Christ in you hour by hour.

I behold the Christ in you,
I can see the perfect one;
Led by God in all you do,
I can see God's work is done
By Frank B. Whitney (1924)